Every Wednesday I get together with my three closest girlfriends and we have a little wine and chat about life. Let’s call these girls A, B, and C.
A is a recently divorced, attractive girl who is in grad school. She was married for 6 years, spending the majority of this time in and out of different grad programs hopping from one degree to another, her mind about what to major in next changing like the wind, always starting a “new program” and never actually finishing. Her husband left her abruptly because he “just didn’t want to be married” anymore.
Girl B is a very feminine, attractive stay-at-home mom and wife to a wealthy husband. She dislikes her predicament because she feels that she could surely “do something better with her life”. B was fired from an office job months ago and this makes her very sad. Because of this, B feels as though people judge her. B is always trying to figure out how she can start a new career somewhere else but nothing ever works out.
Girl C is a beautiful, competitive triathlete. She is married, has a child, and is also jobless. Like A, she is in grad school, and although she is more focused and successful in terms of a career path, she is engrossed in “intellectualism” and obsessed with her body to the point of an eating disorder. Her child is an obnoxious brat because she never disciplines him or spends any time with him because she’s so busy working out at the gym and studying all the time.
None of these girls have jobs. None of them have figured out what they want to do with their lives. All of them are past the age of 30 and all of them depend on men for money, a painfully caustic notion because they spend hours talking about how they “don’t need them”. Ironically, the only girl with financial independence and a job is also the only one who can admit that she needs men in her life. That is Girl D (me). I do not have children and I am single (this is not my preference). Even though I work a full-time job from 9-5 every day, it is not my primary focus. My primary focus is reproductive and everything I do is for my future baby.
I stay very fit so that when I finally meet someone I’m compatible with who wants to impregnate me, I can physically handle the 9 months of carrying a child and labor with ease. I make sure my life is stable. I meditate nightly before bed, but I also choose friends who are feminine and calm. Although they aren’t perfect, for the most part they are unselfish, loving and kind. I could rely on them for extra support if I ever had a child.
I’m sure most of you reading this probably think I need to get a life and that it’s ridiculous how obsessed I am with something that doesn’t even exist yet. But what you don’t realize is that I used to be like A, B, and C: starting grad school, never finishing it, starting a new degree somewhere else and never finishing that one either, trying to “find my passion” and failing miserably until I woke up one day and discovered that it’s all a waste of time. God did not design the female brain for career hunting. It is no mystery that female intelligence is completely different from a male’s. Women excel in areas where men are weak (multitasking in particular). Nature designed them to keep track of many children at one time. A woman can bake cookies with one hand, spank a toddler with the other, and all while she’s got her eyes on kid #2 and #3 playing outside. Women have eyes in the back of their heads. Their intelligence is peculiar, innocent, and instinctual. It is not something that can be taught in schools. Women are curious, experimental, and like children, they absorb the world like a sponge. They want to learn how anything and everything works so that when their babies have a question about something, they will always have an answer. Intelligent women don’t need to make A’s in school to prove to everyone how smart they are. Intelligent women do not compete with men in terms of IQ or academic successes because they know the only part of her intelligence that matters is the one she sees reflected in her offspring’s successes.
Telling a woman that she shouldn’t make babies her primary focus in life is like telling a man to stop thinking about sex. It cannot be helped. Sure, she might make an effort to try to make it look like she’s doing something with her life, but her true meaning is always going to be buried in the back of her mind somewhere, which is exactly why girls A, B, and C will never succeed.
If you’re a woman who is reading this and still can’t figure out “what to do with your life”. The answer to happiness and fulfillment may be right under your nose.
If you’re single and/or do not have children yet but want them I suggest prepping your body for labor and birth. Work out a lot. Eat the right way. Be as skinny and fit as possible. Learn as much as you can about the world. Be prepared to answer all the questions your children will have, no matter how big or small.
If you have children, pay attention to them. Put them first before anything else. Play with them outside. Bond with them. Make sure they are happy and healthy. You should be the most important thing in their lives and they should be the most important thing in yours.
The problem with your friends, IMO, is that they don’t have a mission for their lives, and thus are drifting aimlessly. Marriage and motherhood are worthy missions, but not the only ones. (I enjoy my career, have never wanted children, and am happily partnered with a man who feels the same way.)
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The mission in their lives should be the babies they created. If that isn’t enough to make them happy, they are typical selfish, spoiled American women. Foreign women do not have these “issues”. I enjoy my career also, but you can bet your life that it would NOT be a priority over my children
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Human beings are complex and there are multiple factors that determine our satisfaction with life. Taking up hobbies at the expense of your children is one thing. Having other needs besides children is completely different. A woman can do both after all. People love to insult American women and Western women in general, but that’s just a knee-jerk response. People forget that people in many traditional countries simply can’t afford having other missions in life. As a non-Western lady, I can tell you that I know plenty of non-American women who are miserable when they have no other purpose other than child-bearing.
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Human beings are not complex. They like to convince themselves that they are to try to make themselves feel better when they are failing at life but they aren’t any different from animals. They live, they eat, they reproduce, they die. And that’s all there is. The more you deny this fact, the unhappier you will be. Running away from basic reproductive needs is like running away from food.
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And some human beings like to convince themselves that we are simple because they are so afraid of failure that they don’t want to take any difficult task. If all you care about is reproduction, good for you, but don’t expect other people to be the same.
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I feel that women who say they don’t want kids are afraid because they have been damaged in some type of way
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That may be, but it doesn’t make it any less valid to not want to procreate. I’ve never had a biological urge to reproduce, and I’m OK with that. I also just have never wanted to feel potentially trapped, or deal with the stress of kids. I would, however, be open to fostering teens in the future and hope I can find a partner who’s equally willing. I just don’t want to deal with the infant and toddler years. I do think, however, that people should be living their healthiest selves whether they want kids or not.
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Not procreating usually happens because a woman is either 1. Too crazy/stupid for any man to want to procreate with her or 2. Delusional to the point where she thinks she is too good for any man and can’t seem to “find the right one”. I believe the “desire” for offspring wanes when a woman is past her BTC desperation phase.
Women who think children would be too stressful are probably right in choosing to sterilize themselves because it is likely that they are emotionally unstable and should not be having children for that reason. Now for you, I commend you for fostering teens. I think it is noble.
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Or maybe we simply have a deep aversion to changing poopy diapers!
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You’re a stupid bitch. This is the stupidest shit ever…
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Care to elaborate?
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